Poems I Wrote

Wondering the Wonderland

2010-07-13T13:45:00.004-04:00

When you wander around
the land of wonder in your mind
Never stop to look behind
For the wonder you see today
Is a dark shadow tomorrow

But wander wondrous one
Around the corners of your mind
For around every corner
You could find yourself in a…
Wonderland

Broken Heart Shattered Mirror

2009-10-20T08:32:00.001-04:00

The shattered mirror I gaze into
Reflects the broken image of my self-worth
The blood dripping from my hand
Reflects the feelings built up inside
The feelings of anger and remorse

I was pushed to the limit
Past my breaking point
When I wasn’t left alone
This is what happens

The shattered mirror cannot be pieced together
Just like my heart can never fully heal

Ghost of a Former Self

2009-10-20T08:05:00.002-04:00

A ghost of a former self
Has come back to haunt me
This hurt I have suffered
Has made me aware
Aware that what we had wasn’t healthy

This wasn’t even a relationship
Just a summer fling of two teens
Who barely even knew each other
Who thought they were in love
But what is love?
A quick fling in the woods?
No it’s getting to know each other
And spending time together

What we had was not real
So lets not pretend it is

Wasted Tears

2009-09-16T16:25:00.003-04:00

These are wasted tears
That I cry for you
You yell at me and I yell back
We start this fight
It’s hard to stop

You make me feel like a lying whore
So I cry for you
But it is just a waste

So I say to myself
“I’ll cry for me, but NEVER for you”
These tears I cry
Because of the way you make me feel
Have all run dry

So good bye to tears
Good bye to feelings
When you yell at me I’ll go numb
I’ll shed no tears
And show no feelings

Tear Open My Soul

2009-06-03T14:23:00.002-04:00

Everyday is a constant struggle
My will against this flesh I’m consumed in
Everyday is harder, yet easier at the same time

But you don’t help
These accusations of false assumptions
They tear at my soul
Each one leaving an open gash
Like an eagle’s claw tearing
Into the flesh of its prey

I’m crying
These tears are the blood from my soul
Falling all around me
Soaking everything with these salty tears

The Burning

2009-06-03T14:13:00.003-04:00

This cut that burns
Has brought back the thoughts
But not just the thoughts
The yearning like a calling in your mind
Asking…no begging for you to indulge
But to indulge is to regress
And that is failure
Failure is something I will not accept
I will not go back
To the ghost of my former self
For that ghost is nothing to me
Nothing but a distant memory fading away
I want it to be NOTHING more

You Are

2009-04-05T15:42:00.002-04:00

You are the calm
In the storm of my heart
You are the candle
In the darkness of my heart

Cause You are my every thing
The one thing that completes me
For this storm raging in my heart
Is only here when I am far from You

So I draw close to You
You calm the storm
And light up my heart

For You are in me
From the smile on my face
To the twinkle in my eye

I Am...

2009-03-06T08:39:00.004-05:00

I am a sun
Happy and beautiful
I am a rainbow
Full of colors and joy
I am a dark rain cloud
Dark and mysterious
I am the fear within you
Fake and fleeting
I am...what I am

Change Me Forever by Josh Ziner

2009-03-01T14:21:00.001-05:00

I want, oh Lord
I want to live my life for you, oh God
For you oh God are the one I love
And the one I live for

Come into my life and change my heart
Make it Yours, and change me Lord
I want You in my life
Oh I want You in my life forever

For I was lost and You found me
I was bound and You set me free
Cause You are my Savior
The one I live for

Come into my life and change my heart
Make it Yours, and change me Lord
I want You in my life
Oh I want You in my life forever

I need You now more than ever
Come into my life and change me forever

Love Sick Ghost

2009-03-01T13:58:00.002-05:00

I need to let you go
You know who you are
We stopped talking
But your face is like a love sick ghost
Haunting a lover
Wishing to hold them again
Watching and following them
Everywhere they go

Please let me go from your mind too
It will help me get over you
I need to heal and if I do
Hopefully I will no longer think of you

God In My Life

2009-03-01T13:37:00.001-05:00

For all I have been through
You have been there with me
For all I have done
You have forgiven me

Come into my life
And set me free
I need you in my heart
To help me be

You send me friends in my life
They help me through my darkest times
These times were I was farthest from You

I didn’t know how good I had it
Until you showed me
And now I will never be the same

The Secret by Josh Ziner

2009-03-01T13:28:00.004-05:00

The secret I have inside
Needs to be set free
Come release my secret
And take it from me

Release me release me
From this burning fire
The secret inside is my burning desire

That one desire is to please you God
To glorify Your name
And to bring You praise

Release me release me
From this burning fire
The secret inside is my burning desire

My life is Yours
And my heart is too
Take my heart and make it Yours

My Existence

2009-02-06T13:15:00.003-05:00

The time I spend from you
Is torture in a bottle
Building up till it’s about to explode

My life is for you and my heart is yours
I think of you
And every time I do
I wish I was in your arms
So you could hold me and love me
Make me feel like I am special
Like I matter
And to matter is to exist

So help me to exist
Help me to matter

Sun Shiny Life

2009-02-05T20:07:00.001-05:00

Life is good
I can smile all the time
A carefree life is for me
It is so amazing
How my life has changed
From a black dark night
To a sun shiny day
I love my life each and every day

A New Year A New Time

2009-01-19T20:04:00.002-05:00

A new year, a new time
A time to screw things up, or make things right
I for one want to make things right
For each thing I have messed up
I want to make one thing right

For lying I will help someone
For gossiping I will defend someone against it

This I do as a decree to me
To help me get better
And to grow
Because growing is the best thing
That we can do for ourselves

The Mask

2008-12-09T19:17:00.001-05:00

Masks hide what is behind
To take a way what makes us blind
To take a way the mask that hides
Wearing the mask time it bides

Only time it will take
For the mask to break
And the truth to reveal
What is really real

So take off the mask
Though it may be a hard task
But it will pay off in the end

The Earthly Hell

2008-10-22T10:37:00.001-04:00

I would rather die
Then live a lie
Living a lie is as bad as hell
For you are tortured every day

It would be so easy
Just to tell everyone
But it’s not that easy
For you have to deal with
Everyone’s reactions

So I keep my secrets to myself
And I go on living my lie
So my torture continues
And I suffer silently

My Demise

2008-10-22T10:33:00.001-04:00

These tears I cry
Are my demise
These tears I weep
Show you that I am weak
They fall down
And splash on the ground
I would rather die
Then be living a lie

The Prison You Keep Me In

2008-10-08T10:38:00.003-04:00

You can’t hold me hostage forever!!!
Your can’t keep me from having a life
The prison you keep me in is pathetic

You are ruining my life If I wanted to do something
Do you really think that you would be able to stop me?
I’ll find a way
And then you’ll pay
This I promise you

Torn Apart

2008-09-23T09:55:00.002-04:00

I love you
You know who you are
I can’t be with you
They tore our two worlds apart
I miss you everyday I live

You were my first
And maybe my last
I hope you move on
But I may not

You have a piece of my hear with you
that I may never get back

Secrets

2008-08-20T16:38:00.000-04:00

To be a lier to tell a lie

I lie to you so you will accept me

For if you knew what I hid

You would be repulsed

For my secrets are not expectable

For the real world

Most people would be grossed out

Because my life is less than perfect

But I don’t care it’s not gross to me

It is my life and I am not ashamed

The Fight

2008-08-20T16:28:00.000-04:00

My flesh and my soul fight
They fight for dominance
My flesh for the things of this world
My soul for the things of God
They are equally tough and equally strong
In the end I know not who will win
I only hope it is the right one

I Need You by Josh Ziner

2008-07-30T18:54:00.000-04:00

I praise you God
Won’t you pour out Your glory
I praise you God
Won’t you show me your love

Cause in my weakness you are there
And my strength comes from you
The power of the Lord radiates from your face
And I need more of you every day

You are the source of my life
My sustaining grace
In my darkest times
You are the candle in the dark

Cause in my weakness you are there
And my strength comes from you
The power of the Lord radiates from your face
And I need more of you every day

Cause I need you Lord
I need you God
No other God will do
Cause I need you Lord

The Addiction

2008-07-15T09:43:00.000-04:00

The addiction of something I cannot say
Gets stronger everyday
The push and the pull to do what I know is wrong
Is with me all day long

I find a way to fulfill these cravings
Will it never stop?
I need to fight it so I can come out on top
With every click or every sip
I take one step closer to destruciton

My Burden of Falseness

2008-05-21T16:20:00.000-04:00

(Read the poem then read the underlined bolded words for a summary)

I feel fake
Like I am lying to everyone
This secret is burning
Inside me

How I wish I could share
What is on my heart

But no
It is my burden to bear
You won’t understand

The Pill

2008-04-06T17:18:00.001-04:00

It blocks the truth
Of what I am really feeling
It makes me happy
When I don't really feel it
It is my curse
My load to bear
For something so small
It is so strong
It is just a pill
But this pill is a must
For happiness is the goal
So I will take this curse
And swallow it whole
For the lie is better
Than what was really there

I Won’t Change

2008-04-06T17:04:00.000-04:00

You want me to change
But I'm not gunna
You can’t force me
If I don't wanna
So just leave me alone
So I can do what I wanna

Shattered Pieces of My Heart

2008-03-07T16:23:00.000-05:00

This heart that pumps
The sweet nectar of life
Has been broken like shattered glass
For it has been shattered so many times
The pieces of my heart are scattered
Like the glass on from a broken window
Every time my heart shatters
I kneel down and start to pick the pieces
Of my once whole heart
The only thing that will hold them together
Is the love of a true soul mate

These Words They Hold

2008-02-26T17:53:00.000-05:00

These words they hold
A truth to be told
A life to live
A death bell to toll
So I reach my hands out and I grab hold
To pull back on this that I hold
I will cling to it and never let go
But words can heal and they can hurt
Words cut like a razor, or brush like a feather
Words can make someone laugh or make them cry
The can make someone live or make them die
So watch your words my friend
For your mouth holds a weapon
A weapon with the power of life or death

Rupture of My Soul

2008-01-07T20:53:00.000-05:00

You pushed me to the point
Were I just might blow
To rupture my soul
And spew my hate and my hurt
Would be devastating
It would hurt everyone close to me
So back away, so you won’t get affected

The Art of Letting Go

2008-01-05T21:57:00.000-05:00

Happiness is the art of letting go
But only pushing away what will hurt you
So if I am pushing away the bad
Why do I miss it so?
If depression wears on me so
Why do I want it back?
Is it because I grew up knowing only that
So now that it is gone
It feels like a part of my life is gone
But I know how much this depression hurts me
So I must break away
From this cycle of self mutilation

Not a One-Time Use Item

2007-12-21T20:22:00.000-05:00

You use me when you need me
Then you throw me to the side
Like an obsolete used up tissue
I served my purpose
And now that you used me
I am disposable like a used condom
Well let me tell you something
I deserve to be treated better
Treated like I matter
So I am leaving and I won’t be coming back
I am done waiting hoping your realize
The treasure you are holding in your hands
So I break away in search of the lover who will hold me close
And treat me like a diamond, a priceless treasure
Because that is what I really am

The Shadows Prison

2007-12-17T17:20:00.000-05:00

Standing in the shadow of my true potential
Looking up and seeing
What I really could be
No matter where I move
I always have that constant reminder
That I’m not who I could be
This shadow is like a prison
With no walls and no bars
The pressure of your expectations
Are crushing me
Driving me deeper and deeper into the ground

Black Hole of My Soul

2007-12-15T17:39:00.000-05:00

My soul is a black hole of death
No light is ever seen
All life is sucked in and never seen again
So why don't you back away
So you don’t get sucked in
Just leave me alone
So I can save your soul

Bloom of Your Love

2007-12-15T14:39:00.000-05:00

You send Your glory down like rain
You let Your love fall like snow
And like Your earth I suck it all in
Like Your plants I take Your glory and love
I use it to grow and I flourish and I bloom
And I spread your love like the beauty of the flowers

Once Broken Heart

2007-12-14T18:06:00.000-05:00

You grab your dagger and I’ll grab my heart
And when we collide
We can sit together
And witness this heart’s last beat
And when the beat h has expired
You can weep this loss you just gained
I drift into the dark empty abyss of my eternal loneliness
As I spend eternity alone I start to realize that
This choice that I made was the worst one yet
Then I feel this pull that grabs the pieces of my broken heart
And molds them back into this heart of happiness and joy
And my first breath of air
Brings the life back into my once broken body
This second chance I was granted
Will be used for Your glory
As you are the one that mended my once broken heart

Tight Places

2007-12-11T20:25:00.000-05:00

You can’t ever know
You won’t understand how I feel
When I act like this you think I am being selfish
So I just want to tell you
I am not trying to be selfish
I just have bad memories of tight places
And every time I am in one
I remember that that memory
And I start to panic

Flying Without a Care

2007-12-08T16:16:00.000-05:00

Cast your cares to the side
Bring your struggles to God
He will lift you up
And take your cares away
Once you let God take them away
You feel lighter that air
Like you can fly

My Bleak Existence

2007-12-08T10:15:00.000-05:00

This stone cold heart beating in my chest
No emotions no sensations
Dull bleak survival living just to exist
My feeling are gone the sensations with them
I feel nothing I taste little
Never really happy
Always looking for that one thing that makes me feel alive
All I ask is for a glimpse of true happiness
Maybe then I can find a reason to live

Cries in Disguise

2007-12-08T09:19:00.000-05:00

These tears that fall from my eyes
Are cries for help in disguise
They roll down these cheeks
And I count the weeks
The weeks that go by without help
Help which is desperately needed

Windows to My Soul

2007-12-06T17:36:00.000-05:00

The eyes are windows to the soul
So it is said
But what happens when someone
Is hiding their true self
Will the eyes betray the body
And portray the soul.

Leashed by Narrow Mindedness

2007-12-01T21:57:00.000-05:00

This leash you keep around my neck is way too tight
I am not the clean cut person you would like
Trying new things is something I must do
Finding myself is all I need
You don't understand the pain of not knowing who you are
Always struggling to find who I am inside
You seem so narrow minded
In this age you need to broaden your spectrum
More things are expectable now then when you were a kid
You say if I rebel, I will get kicked out of the house
I take that as a big threat as if you don't love me
Even though I know you do
But why do you use threats

Tribute to the Persecuted Gays

2007-11-26T16:41:00.000-05:00

For what manner of fate hath brought us together
For which thine perfect love will last forever
Only for you does my heart truly yern
We both know that thine heart only wisheth to be with mine
For we must not deny what our two hearts really desire.
Why must our love be strictly forbidden?
For two such as us have the same feelings of love
As you and your true love
Just because we be two men
Does not mean we cannot experience the truest of love

Withering Heart Trailing Sorrows

2007-11-26T16:01:00.000-05:00

When u walk away from me
My heart dies a little more inside
This withering heart cant take much more pain
To much more and it will break
Pain and sorrow seem to follow me
Suffering and Grief don't trail to far behind

Chained

2007-11-23T15:30:00.000-05:00

My empty soul inside this body yearning for more
Always coming so close only to cut myself right back down
Trusting is so hard always afraid I will be hurt again
The chains of the devil clamped around my neck
Holding me back pulling me back into the pit of death
Nothing can break these chains not the hottest fire or the strongest axe
Only the power of my savior can break the links

Repercussions of My Sadness

2007-11-23T15:17:00.001-05:00

Screaming to show my pain
The pain inside driving me over the edge
These tears I cry drain my pain
A million tears falling
This pool a repercussion of my sadness
These fits of tears cutting out chunks of my life
Drowning in tears of sorrow
Will this salty pool be my death bed?

My Version of Heaven

2007-11-23T12:12:00.000-05:00

When I die your love will Take me to a place of eternal peace A place were fighting and yelling don't exist A place where people don't ridicule each other To a place where demons and evil spirits are banned And the love of God is radiated like the heat or the sun Eternal joy were there are no whispers from the devil or his demons Telling you you’re never going to match up to the worlds standards A place where there are no death threats whispered into your ears

Demons

2007-11-19T21:04:00.000-05:00

Demons like dark black evil vultures
Always circling their prey
Waiting for it to mess up
So they can dive down
And grab a hold of
The fallen victim and control their lives
Making them do things they would never do
Unthinkable things
Attacking their prey with
Their razor sharp claws
Slashing and tearing at the very soul of someone
Discouraging and hurting their feeling
Whispering in your ear words of lies and deceit
Trying to make us doubt, to make us trip and stumble
So they can swoop in and lie to us
Giving us a false hope and a sense of security
All the while they are ruining out lives and destroying our faith.

Angels

2007-11-14T20:55:00.000-05:00

Angels with wings
Wings like shinning silver
Wrapping around us
Protecting us without us even knowing
Wings like giant silky blankets
Thrusting them into the air
Letting them hover above us
Protecting us like a mother protects her young
Their eyes like sparkling white pearls
Watching everything, missing nothing

Deathly Burglar

2007-11-13T09:12:00.001-05:00

Death is Sudden
And usually very unfair
Death is like a burglar
Stealing life right out
From under your nose
Death is quiet but very subtle
You may never see it coming
And you may never see it
While it is there
But when it is gone
You will definitely
Know it was there.

Turning Away

2007-11-13T09:00:00.000-05:00

Now you turn your back
On Him but He will
Never leave your side
Why aren’t you listening to someone
Who is trying to save your life
And will always care
When you are ready to give up
Just turn toward God
And He will set you free
He will take away
These thoughts of suicide
And lift you up and put you
Back on your feet

Pulled

2007-11-12T16:12:00.000-05:00

What is real
What is true
What will come next
Listen hard

And you might hear
That sound
The sound of feet
Feet stomping
Feet running
Toward one thing

Some don't even know
Why they are running
They are just running toward the pull
The pull that drives there life
But most know that pull
Is the pull of the Most High
The Creator
His love drives us toward Him

Ways to End It

2007-11-08T17:16:00.000-05:00

Throwing up
Drugged almost to death
Is this really how I want to go?

Passing out
Rope around my neck
Strangling me
I need air

Choking
Water in my lungs
Struggling to breath
Needing air
When there is none there

Are these really ways to go
Do I really want to be known?
For my abrupt exit

I know my live has something in store
And I must like to find out what
Because I have people who care about me
And they would be broken to pieces
If I killed myself

Why Am I Here

2007-11-08T15:51:00.000-05:00

Why am I here

Why won’t you let me disappear?

This feeling inside

I’m afraid will never subside

It’s taking over

Why do I want my life to be over?

I am so confused

And I feel so abused

Then I turn and look

To the one who made me?

And he takes away my pain

He sets me free

And now I will always be

His forever

Who Am I

2007-11-06T11:43:00.000-05:00

The sun is shining
But i don't feel its heat
My true feeling are always hiding
I need to find them
So I can cope
Do I want to know
What I really feel
I am really scared
But I know I must face them
So I can help myself
And find out what is really bothering me
If I know
I am that much closer to finally having peace

The Block

2007-11-05T18:59:00.000-05:00

Blocking my thoughts
Hiding my feelings
Denying my self
What I'm really feeling

I don't know why i do it
I don't even like it
It's really unfair
Just makes me want to pull out my hair

Block it all out so
I don't hear it
Knock me out so i don't feel it at all

Now I'm awake
What happened
What did u say
Would i like it
Racking my brain
I don't remember
Stop asking me questions
Cause I don't remember at all